Saturday, October 31, 2009

Halloween Part II

In honor of Halloween, here are some instructions on how to draw a spooky ghost ship thing.
Step 1 - Draw a haunted curved line. Don't make it TOO curved, or else the whole thing just ends up looking stupid. Likewise, don't make it too flat or else you end up with a haunted pirate raft and no one is scared of a haunted pirate raft. Except for Huck Fin.
Step 2 - No ship should be without a good poop deck. Draw one now. It's a straight line connecting the two points of the curved line. That's all the help I'm going to give you on this.
Step 3 - Pirates like to move around. Ghosts like to move around. So it only makes sense that Pirate ghosts would like to move around. Let's get some masts on this ship so that movements (not bowel) (possibly bowel) can take place. Masts are simply smaller, thinner rectangles. Put as many as you want. I've put three, cus awesome.
Step 4 - Masts are all fine and good, but without sails they're as useful as a two-legged bear. So put some sails on that bad boy! They can either be rectangles (as shown) or triangles (also as shown). I've chosen to mix the two. It's a message to other ships that these pirates don't play by anyone else's rules.

Step 5 - Ok, we've go some masts, and we've got some sails. Let's throw a crows nest up there so the ghost pirates can spot ghost prey from miles away out at, um, ghost sea. Also, right now this ship is looking like a very non-discript ship. Not scary at all. Why, you could tell someone that it was nothing more than a Italian Merchant clipper ship and no one would question you. Let's throw some pirate-themed signals and gestures up there. The cross and bones are a classic. Ooooo...Let's add a flag to keep ship moral up. Step 6 - Now, being crewed by ghost pirates is good, but it is cannons that rule the seas. Our ship needs cannons to earn the respect of the New World colonies. They think that they are Bee's Knees, what with their fancy fortresses and numerous muskets! Throw a few cannons on the side there so everyone knows we mean business. These are little more than rectangles with circles within them. Two different shapes combined for destruction! It's good to be a pirate! Step 7 - Almost there. Our ship still needs some finishing touches to make it a respectible pirate ghost ship. Put one of them busty mermaid vixens on the bow. Lots of ships have those. Don't go overboard (heh) with the bustyness though. This ship needs to be light and quick to catch the spanish armada treasure ships, and extra bosom will only distract the crew. Also, let's put a treasure chest up on deck, which implies that our pirate ghosts just got back from some sort of successful pillaging. Or maybe they just invested wisely, it really doesn't matter. Step 8 - Alright, last step. This ship needs a crew! Time to whip you your best skeleton pirates! The secret to drawing skeletons is to just keep it simple. Skeletons don't need a full set of ribs to be scary, just a skull and a bad attitude. Give'em a sword so they can dash their foes and hang'em from the yardarm (whatever that is)! Also, lets throw in some scenery stuff. For as long as man has been able to tilt his/her head towards the heavens, they have hated the moon. Curse that moon! So let's put one of those into the heavens to scowl down at us and our meaningless lives. Also, clouds at night are down-right terrifying. Some of you might recognize the clouds I have drawn are nothing more than the flatulence symbol that I have used in past drawings. Versitility is key to a good artist. Alright, put in saturn for that cutting, new-wave edginess that drives the kids wild nowadays, and maybe some sort of big, biting fish, and you are there.

Congrats! Make whatever modifications you deem necessary. But keep it within reason. Outlandish drawings only distract the observer from the true meaning of the work as a whole.

(Pirate ghosts are awesome)

Friday, October 30, 2009


I wish things were more consistant in this world. You hang a dessicated corpse in your window on halloween and everyone is all "Ooooo, neato!" But you do it any other day of the year and people start crossing to the other side of the street when they walk past your house. Bah.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

From the mines.....

A few days ago I looked down into a mine and found myself wondering how deep the bugger was. So I threw a rock down the hole and a mighty blast of pigeons came flying out of the ground. I guess my question is why would anyone walk away from a perfectly good pigeon mine.

Is that how you spell Pigeons?