Saturday, March 13, 2010

Library Days - A true story

A few years back I used to work at the library. I actually worked there for 10 years. Think back to the last time you went to a library, even if it was just the one at your elementary school. Do you remember seeing a wierdo? Someone yelling at a book, or using the bathroom in the corner? Of course you do. Because that's what the library is for. It's a place for people to go and get all that pent-up anitsocial behavior out of their systems. Anyway, here's a tale from a partically odd encounter I once had while working at the library. For additional fun, I've written it as a play, so that you can reinact it at home if you wish...

The angry cat surprise; Or, There and back again, a library tale


[Enter Scott into the library. Time is approximatly 5:45 P.M. Scott crosses library, takes position behind check-out counter. There are FIVE people in line.]

Scott: "I can help whomever was next"

[Woman in her forties crosses floor, approaches desk. She is wearing dark sunglasses, and is holding an open unbrella over her head despite the complete lack of falling water. ]

Woman with umbrella: "Why do you do this?"

Scott: "Do what now?"

Woman with umbrella: "You know what you do"

[Scott fidgits, as he does whenever a crazy starts asking him questions]

Scott: "I....uh....I don't really know what I'm doing"

Woman with umbrella: "I will ask you again, why are you doing this?"

[Scott thinks she might be talking about "why do I work at the library". Decides to ask her if that is what she means.]

Scott: "You mean work at the library?"

Crazy Umbrella Woman: "NO" [Woman with umbrella pulls out a camera and takes picture of Scott. Scott is startled]

Scott: "I can smile if you would like."

[Woman with umbrella doesn't respond. Puts a large tartan bag up on the counter. She looks at the bag. Scott looks at bag. Both characters are looking at the bag]

Scott: "Uhhhh...nice bag. Looks strong. A nice strong bag."

[Woman with umbrella reaches up and opens bag. A large tabby cat is hidden inside. Woman with umbrella tips bag on side]

Large tabby cat in the tartan bag: "HISSSS!!!!"

[Scott is again startled, steps back from the desk. Woman with umbrella uprights bag and in the same motion, closes it]

Scott: "..........?"

[Woman with umbrella and Scott again look at bag for a few moments. Scott is puzzled.]

Scott: "Huh...well, Ok."

[Woman with umbrella picks up bag containing Tabby cat in a tartan bag. Both characters turn around briskly, and leave stage right. Scott is left alone for a few moments.]

Scott: "Have a good night."

[Scott exits stage left. Lights fade out slowly, until all is dark. END


Kim said...

I think this was my favorite play involving a cat in a large tartan bag.

Also, hissing and a camera. Oh, and an umbrella.

Yes, this was my favorite play of all the plays.

(word verification: hercho Like a sneeze, you see. HerrrCHOOO! Why am I so amused by that? Why?)

Megan said...

This play was awesome. I often wonder why I do what I do, and now when I wonder this I will have the image of a woman holding an umbrella with a psycho cat in a tartan bag. What a bold image to have in mind.

Dan said...

What is a tartan bag? Tartan is an interesting word. It reminds me of Tarzan and farts. I wonder if the cat had gas?

heather said...

The play made this story even better. We might act it out for FHE tonight. But did you ever figure out why you did that? You know . . . THAT???

Cheetah said...

No! She ran off before I could pin down what it was! If you are going to be crazy at least have the decency to tell me what you are being crazy about!

I'm convinced there wasn't any film in that camera, so at least I'm not being black magic-ed somewhere.