Important Blog Update!

It is my birthday.

At this point all I can do is sit back and remember how excited I used to get over my birthday. When I was younger (and less disgusted with the world) I would spend the days before birthday sitting around wearing this goofy expression on my face and watch Duck Tales.


Sadly, as is true with everything, getting older has taken the fun out of birthdays.



For example, I'm writing this at work. To a kid, the idea of working on your birthday would seem as outrageous as the concept of car ownership.

A lot of people thing that the reason birthdays aren't as much fun in later years is because we become increasingly aware of the limits of mortality. While it's true that an 85-year old probably has more reason to fear the increasingly likelihood of not waking up tomorrow, I don't think that is the main reason that birthdays are less entertaining. I suspect that the cause lays with the decreasing quality/entertaining value of the presents. Kids get great presents




Adults, on the other hand, get decidedly less fun presents. Useful, sure, but less fun.




I'm not saying that I hate getting useful things. Even as a kid you need to get socks or playing with your SUPER FUN PRETEND GUN FUN TIME will become a painful ordeal. What I am saying is that a birthday filled ONLY with useful gifts is equally troubling as a birthday filled ONLY with fun gifts. All the socks in the world won't help you pretend to defend President Lincoln from a swarm of robotic ants and becoming the hero of the coal-age.

Old people need fun gifts more than anyone because they have the shortest amount of time left to reach their desired fun-having goals, and yet they frequently receive the most unfortunate mixture of not-very-useful AND not-very-fun gifts.



So, what is the point of this? I'm not sure myself. Mostly I've just enjoyed not working for the last couple of hours. You should probably all wish me a happy birthday though. Go ahead! The button is right down there in the corner! Do it!!!

Variscite - What does it mean to you?

Folks, today I guide you into the unknown. And by that, I mean I don't have a lot of information about today's mineral. What's worse, the mineral is so obscure that not a lot of books seem to care much about it. But if you read every post on this blog (and I don't recommend that you do, there's been some real stinkers in there) you will find that I never give a guarantee that the "information" imparted here-forth is technically correct. But it will be close, and that's good enough for me.

Anyway, forget everything you've ever known about anything, because things are about to get really existential in here. Today we visit the world of the phosphorus-bearing minerals. Now, there is bound to be a lot of resistance to this, and I can honestly understand why. I mean, it's not every day that someone comes up to you and says "Hey, I have a great idea, let's delve into the world of some crazy hydrous, alluminium-bearing phosphate mineral with a hardness of 4.5!" Of course, your first reaction will be to tell me to go back to whatever nerd-hut I've escaped from. Well, don't worry, I'm not going to get too out of bounds with this post, although it would be quite easy (and quite tempting) to do so.

Today's mineral is a playful, unassuming little feller named Variscite....





Here's what it looks like if you take a picture of it too closely with the flash on....




Anyway, go ahead and bask in the glory of that poorly-photographed mineral! Allow it to change your perceptions of geology! Like many, many other minerals we've looked at, Variscite is green (most of the time). My friends, this is just the beginning. Put those burritos back in the microwave, because I'm serving up a heaping pot of mineralological what-the-devil-is-going-on pie and cramming it down your throats!

As I said above, the Variscite is the green portions of that rock. I'm not sure what the white stuff is, and don't really care. I'm guessing you don't either. Let's look at some more pictures of the stuff so we can get a better handle on what is going on here....



Not too impressive. Just sort of a greenish-blob. But what if IT WERE ATTACKED BY INDIANA JONES IN AN AIRPLANE???



And also....A NAZI!!!



As long as I've already destroyed any sense of personal worth by revealing that not only have I purchased Lego toys but that I also enjoy playing with them, we might as well push it to the limit! Look out Indy!



Vrooom!!! Bang Bang Bang!!



Look at that! That Nazi is flying into my ceiling fan!!!



The Nazi crashed! USA! USA!



Dooo do do dooooooooo!!!





It is pretty hard to fly two Lego planes by using your roommates dog leashes and take pictures of it at the same time. So if that makes that last part any less stupid to you then so be it. Either way, it serves as good filler for an otherwise info-light post.

As I mentioned earlier, Variscite has a hardness of 4.5. This places it squarely between scratching it with an iron nail and with a steel knife. So, yeah, there's some information for you hardness weirdos out there.

Chemically, Variscite is made of one atom of aluminum, one atom of phosphorus, four atoms of oxygen, and then a couple of water molecules for a final chemical formula of ALPO4*H2O. If we mix a little math into this, we come up with a whopping 17.8% aluminum, 19.2% phosphorus, 60.76% oxygen and whatever is left gets stuffed full of hydrogen. That 60.76% oxygen seems weird to me, but I'm not here to criticize geology. Anyway, you mix those things together and you get a slightly green mineral....THAT IS BLOWING UP THE BERLIN WALL!!!





Nah, that's just more filler. What you get is a mineral that is slightly green, but isn't really capable of righting any of the worlds ills. But Vaiscite isn't always green. Like most minerals it shows up in a variety of colors. Well, mostly just green and red....



I've never seen any red Variscite, but I suppose it's possible. Also it is pretty rare that it shows up in crystals. Mostly the stuff sticks with massive blobs (called nodules) that are various shades of green....





Those are pieces from a place named Clay Canyon in Utah. Remember how I said that Variscite is somewhat obscure? Well, that's because it is also pretty rare. In fact, the state of Utah is pretty much the main producer of the stuff. It was for this reason (I'm suspecting) that it also goes by the name Utahlite. The material from Clay Canyon is pricey because the mine that used to be there was shut down when the State of Utah discovered that the gentleman mining it was somewhat lax when it came to safety, and would frequently light sticks of dynamite outside of the mine, run in, place the explosive in the hole and try to run back out again before getting variscite-ed. As a result, the mine was collapsed so the dude wouldn't kill himself, which tends to drive prices up for the existing material. I went there once and poked around the mine dump but I got a bunch of sap on my shoe and decided to leave. The other main place to get Variscite is located in one of the oft-forgotten corner of the state....



Not a lot of people find their way out to that part of Utah. And probably for good reason, as it has more crazies per square mile than most areas of the state. That area produces Variscite that has less cool shapes and patterns and is more just solid green. The piece from the first picture is from that corner of the state, so you can go look at that again if you are having a hard time picturing it. The nearest town to that particular deposit is Lucin, Utah (which is now a ghost town), and it was for this name that Variscite was also known as Lucinite. That's three names for the same mineral! That should help keep the confusion down.

So there we are. Variscite comes from Utah (and a little from other places). So what is it good for? Well, again, like everything else we've looked at, not a whole lot. We can make pretty things to adorn our women with it....





Variscite sometimes takes the place of turquoise (which is basically variscite but with a little copper mixed in) but it is a little bit softer so it scratches easier. Hey, do you guys remember scratch and sniff books? Do they still make those? I'm going to have to investigate this later. Anyway, it can also be confused with Chrysocolla, (a copper mineral that is chemically nothing like either mineral) that kinda has the same color.




So how did Utah end up with so much of the stuff and poor Iowa is left out in the cold? Well, apparently Iowa didn't have enough phosphate-rich water flowing around its aluminum-rich rocks! Utah, on the other hand, had more phosphate-water than it knew what to do with, and it was this water that reacted with the native limestone that contained some aluminum for some reason. Let's look at what I've just said in a much more confusing way....







Did that clear it up? Nah, it didn't for me either. Fun to draw though.

For you metaphysical types, it is said that Variscite can help you remember your past lives! That's a heck of a thing! So if you pick up a piece of Variscite and suddenly remember getting your bowels torn out for believing that the earth wasn't the center of the universe, that's why. Hey, if you aren't prepared to suddenly remember being racked with torment, then perhaps you aren't prepared to be a geologist.

And so we end our first phosphorus-bearing mineral. The phosphates (as minerals with phosphorus are called) are an interesting bunch, so perhaps we will see them again. You can never tell with geology.

Ghost Town Whatever - Iosepa, Utah!

Western Utah is a neat place to visit. As we have covered (repeatedly) on this blog, you can find mines, cattle, rusted objects of nearly any size, crazies with guns, barbwire (the fence-object, not the movie), the military, the potential to become encrusted with salt, and any other number of things that drive people mad with visit-lust. Western Utah, however, is NOT a neat place to live. You can find mines, cattle, rusted objects of any size, barbwire, the military, the potential to become encrusted with salt, and any other number of things that drive people mad with I-don't-want-to-live-here-lust.

However, once in every great while, someone figures that they will give it a go and they pack up all their belongings and head out for the great and probably haunted western portion of the state. This well-written introduction gives us the backdrop for our next little ghost town....



You may notice that sign has a rather "island" theme, what with the aloha and all. And there's a reason for that, but I'll touch on that later. First lets get our bearings. If you find yourself with a mean case of Iosepa-madness and want to take a look for yourself, you can find the place here....



Or, just drive around and look for this sign...





It's kinda near Mercur and Ophir and stuff. The nearest city with people is Tooele. Well, technically it's Dugway, but don't go there....



The story of Iosepa begins way back in the fruitful year of 1889. Well, technically it begins earlier. Geologically it begins even earlier than that, but I'm not going to talk about that. In the 1880, Mormon missionaries had been hanging out in Hawaii doing their thing, and as a result, they converted a number of Hawaii-folk. These converts decided to visit Salt Lake City for themselves and check out what all the fuss was about, and upon visiting they decided that they would like to stay and help build the temple and then visit the temple and do all the other things that mormons like to do. At first there were 50 or so visitors, then 75, and so on and so forth.

But people are fickle things. Sometimes we don't all get along because we are jerks. The Hawaiian visitors soon found that most of the folks living in the city were strange and had very little to no Hawaiian culture in them, so they decided that they would like to create their own little city. Now, Utah has very little useful land, and by the 1890's most of that land was already spoken for. So the Hawaiians got a slightly less than ideal plot....



In 1889, a whopping 1,280 acres of that stuff was purchased at a cost of $40,000, and with that the mighty metropolis of Iosepa shuttered with its first mighty breath on the night of August 28th of that year!



It didn't take long for the good Hawaiian folks to realize that this....



Is a different experience than this...



And there's way less this...



And much much more of this....


But they were a determined bunch, and that spring the townsite was surveyed so every adult male and widow got to draw lots. They named the town "Iosepa" which is "Joseph" in Hawaiian. This was a shout out to both the Prophet Joseph F. Smith, who was a very successful missionary in Hawaii, as well as to the other Prophet Joseph Smith, who established the church. That's an example of multitasking I suppose. In 1890, the site was dedicated by the Prophet Wilford Woodruff, and with that the flag went down and the colony was ready to take off. Only it didn't really. Here's some of the chaps now!



The town was soon exploding with well-built houses, a church (presumably of the Mormon faith), a school house and roads to get to all these places. Concrete pipes carried every last drop of water from the hills down to the town, and fire-hydrants were installed. This was a good idea, as fires prefer damp-free environments such as western Utah. Probably the most impressive project was the lake they dug in the middle of the valley....



I've never dug a lake, but I'm assuming it is a very difficult thing to do. They stocked the lake (named Kanaka Lake) with trout and carp and other fish for feasting on, and even tinkered around with growing various sea-weeds. Neat!

In an attempt to make the valley somewhat less horrifying, cottonwood and poplar trees were planted down the center of each of the roadways, and yellow roses were planted in most of the yards. Corn, wheat, barley, beets and other delicious foods were grown in the fields, and cattle and pigs were free to walk about and grow fat for the slaughter! In addition, 300 fruit trees, 300 walnut trees, as well as 100 ornamental plant-like objects were installed. The residents of the town even celebrated their version of pioneer day on August 28th instead of July 24th like the other folks. For a while, things seemed to be actually working. In one year the residents made a cool $20,000 in profit from their cattle and wheat and such. Most years weren't that kind though.

And so things went. As if hard work and exposure wasn't enough, a friendly little visitor named leprosy came to town, and three residents soon found themselves swimming with the disease. A "pest house" was built at the edge of town and the three residents were isolated from the rest. They could raise a flag when they needed something. Here are the three lepers nowadays...





The flagpole at the back of the picture was built in their memory. If you see a flag up there, then that means they've come back as zombies and you should stay away. Anyway, this was the only leper colony to ever exist in Utah. Unless you know about one that I don't I guess. If you do, go write your own blog and leave me alone.

By 1901 the population stood at 80 brave souls, and it would reach a maximum of 228 by 1915. The city won the state prize for being the most progressive (whatever that means) and best kept city in the state in 1911, which is pretty good for a town located in a placed called Skull Valley.

The main problem facing the town was the fact that everyone kept dying. The climate and difficult work kept killing people off faster than they were being born and moving in. As a result, the cemetery soon became a very big place....



Unlike most of the towns that we have looked at so far, the graveyard isn't filled with people with names like "Ol Prospecting Alcoholic Jim" or "Shotgun Prostitute Sally". It's fill with names like this....







I'm not sure that Besse Peters was Hawaiian. Doesn't seem like it fits with the others. There actually were a few white folk living in town, so maybe she was one of them. I'd ask her but she's pretty dead.



Connie Hoopiianina was actually not the last burial. That belonged to this lady....



The Hoopiianina family was one of the few who stayed in the state. We'll cover that later. This next grave belonged to the local judge. Now he's the one behind bars.



Ironic, isn't it? Nope, it isn't. The official historical marker put up by the the state of Utah is near the cemetery. The bust on top is that of a Hawaiian warrior, which is pretty neat.



Having an accelerated death rate is a bad promotional tool for a town. In 1916 the Mormon Church announced plans to construct a temple in Hawaii. This rendered the town of Iosepa obsolete, and by 1917 the remaining townfolk sold their property to the Church and most moved back to Hawaii. And so ended the little hamlet of Iosepa.

Not a lot is left out there. Obviously there is the graveyard, as we've seen. The townsite was later sold to the Deseret Livestock Company, and cattle became the new residents of Iosepa. There are still four houses standing and occupied by ranchers!



I didn't dare go very close because sometimes people in western Utah get a little shooty if you wander onto their land. Something to think about whenever you go out there. Other than those remaining houses, the land offers very few clues that it was once occupied....






Miles and miles of sweet sweet nothingness. Something in this bush was making a really loud, terrifying noise....



Then when I was walking back when I was attacked by the worst creature Utah has to offer...



That is one of the most terrifying thing I have ever found on my shoe. At nearly 10 feet long and weighing in at approximately 4,500 pounds, this cricket-like car was reason enough for me to leave the place. Also I technically should have been at work.

And so my visit ends. There is now a pavilion built next to the graveyard in which a large luau is held every Memorial day weekend. Seems fitting. Also they cook pigs and emu in these crazy pits...



So, if you've got a hankerin' for some sweet sweet bird meat, and aren't scared of T-Rexickets, then I vote you go. I can't make you, and I don't care what you do, but think about it.