Thursday, February 4, 2010

Ants in the keyboard

Several people are finding this blog by googling "Ants in keyboard". Sadly, my original post concerning this issue was largely posted by mistake, and didn't really offer any hints or tips on how to solve the problem of having ants in your keyboard. I feel guilty for leading people to believe that this blog will in some way offer a solution. So, here's a home-grown fix for those wierdos who have ants in their keyboards.


It's important to figure out why there are ants in your keyboard in the first place. I find that there are two likely causes.

CAUSE #1) Your computer/work area is located close to an anthill. Take a look around. Do you see a conical pile of sand surrounded by an area of cleared vegitation? If yes, then chances are that you are a victim of circumstance, and your keyboard is merely the fastest route for the ants to get to where they are going.

CAUSE #2) You are a slob, and have somehow managed to get food in your keyboard.

Figure out which of these two catagories best fit your particular situation.


If you determined that you fit into Cause #1, the best route would be to move your keyboard to a location that would be less convenient to the ants. Try moving your computer indoors, or barring that, on top of a sandstone ledge or some other high point. Whatever you do, it is important that you clear the area of dead animals. Corpses will only serve as an attraction to the ants, resulting in possible re-infestation.

If you determined that you fit into Cause #2, I would recommend that you find a more suitable place to eat. Or, if that isn't an option, take a handfull of Crispix and crush them into a coworker's keyboard. This won't necessarily solve YOUR infestation, but it will cause additional infestations, and misery loves company.


Whatever the reason for your particular infestation, there probably is a point where it would be worth the cost to abandon the keyboard to the ants and let nature take its course. Be aware of this if repeated attempts to rid yourself of the ants have failed. When purchasing a new keyboard, make sure to pick one that comes in the shape of something non ant-friendly. Like a can of Raid, or perhaps any number of onimvores. Also, most importantly, don't eat near your keyboard.

Hope this helps.


Dan said...

This is the funniest thing I have ever read. How ironic that people come to you in search of a soulful solution to the age-old problem of ants in the keyboard only to be dealt a sarcastic blow of wit and furry. I can only imagine what it must be like to truly have ants in the keyboard. I wonder if you would have a major typo problem.

Kim said...

I think it's a little harsh to demand people remove all corpses from their computing area. Some people can't help the occasional carcass. What about coroners? Crypt keepers? Hunters who might want to tweet from the deer blind? These people are just trying to make a living, man.

Also, I eat breakfast at my desk every morning. How much do I disgust you?

Cheetah said...

Hmmmm.....Kim, you make a good point. Perhaps I was a little too harsh on those who work/live near the dead/potential dead. Sometimes there is just no way to escape the terrors of ant infestation I guess.

Hey, my rules are for those who suffer from ant infestations only. If you do not, then rest assured that you do not disgust me in the least, even if desk eating frequently takes place.